DISTURBED MINDS

Disturbed Minds

This city stinks,

Of piled up garbage,

And disturbed minds;

Broken pavements,

And attitudes.

Deifying  posters on the wall,

Gods and goddesses,

You have seen them all.

This stifling heat,

This sweat drenched body,

Moist hands and burning feet

People growl, they do not talk.

I see all this as I walk.

Oh! where can I see,

That speck of green,

I see only walls,

They fill this scene;

So I seek refuge on the shore,

To sit and listen,

To the waves roar,

But here I find the crowds throng,

As the sun sings its evensong.

Oh! where will I find my Solitude,

In the midst of all this multitude?

Then in the distance I could see,

An old couple staring at the sea,

Enveloped in peace and serenity.

Oblivious of the world around,

They sat in silence,

As the sun went down,

And I watched as they rose,

Hand in hand they walked away,

Into the twilight,

And the silence of the night.

The turbulences in my disturbed mind,

Slowly died at this sight,

And my Solitude, it was there,

That I had searched for everywhere.

DUALITY 2 – A TRIBUTE TO HERMANN HESSE

DUALITY 2 – A TRIBUTE TO  HERMANN HESSE

In my previous posting I had mentioned that  “Duality as a subject has given rise to great works of literature. It has been man’s never ending quest to come to terms with the various forces working within him. It is the realisation that without darkness, there is no true appreciation of light”. In this posting I intend to explore the recurring theme of duality that characterises the works of Hermann Hesse, one of the greatest German novelists of the twentieth century

Long ago I read Hermann Hesse’s ‘Narziss and Goldmund’ and to this present day it still remains one of my favourite novels. In fact I love all of Hesse’s works. Throughout all his works one can sense his attempts at bringing about a balance between the two opposing forces of asceticism and the world, so that we reach a better understanding of the world and on towards self realization. In fact one senses that life is incomplete without experiencing both the states. Like in ‘Narziss and Goldmund’, the theme of duality is dealt with in ‘Siddhartha’ and ‘Demian’ effectively, one of disillusionment and the other of Order verses Chaos.

Siddhartha leaves home full of hope; asceticism fails him, so he turns to the Buddha. The Buddha fails him, so he turns to worldly life. That fails too, so he becomes a ferryman. The river flows on. Siddhartha ends on a powerful note, Hesse says that there is no ultimate success or failure; Life is like the river, its attraction is the fact that it never stops flowing.

The conclusions arrived at in ‘Demian are clear. It is question of self realization. It is not enough to accept a concept of order and live by it; that is cowardice, and such cowardice cannot result in freedom. Chaos must be faced. Real order must be preceded by a descent in to chaos. This is Hesse’s conclusion. Those who refuse to discriminate might as well be dead.

In ‘Narziss and Goldmund, Narziss is the structured and stable priest, an individualist and Goldmund is an artist and wanderer, of a passionate and zealous disposition. The book highlights the harmonizing relationship of the two characters. Narziss retires from the world into a patterned order of prayer and philosophy while Goldmund quits the monastery and to plunge into a sea of blood and lust always chasing artistic perfection. The book ends with the death of Goldmund with Narziss holding him in his arms. Golmund leaves behind the sculptures that he had been commissioned to make by Narziss for the monastery. Looking at the statues Narziss realises that Golmund without being aware of it had discovered the image of the permanent and spiritual.

In this novel and so with his other novels one is able to discern the strong influence of Nietzsche’s theory of the Apollonian and the Dionysian which he explored in his first major work ‘The Birth of Tragedy’, where he declares that Greek Tragedy achieved greatness through a fusion of Apollonian restraint and control with the Dionysian components of passion and the irrational.

In the ‘The Birth of Tragedy’ Nietzsche says “the continuous development of art is bound up with the Apollonian and Dionysian duality: just as procreation depends on the duality of the sexes, involving perpetual strife with only periodically intervening reconciliations.”

I have only spoken of Hermann Hesse here because he has always been foremost in my mind whenever I think of all the forces that we are subjected to while leading our lives and our attempts at bringing about a harmony amongst them. It is in ‘Steppenwolf’ that he brings out the multi-dimensional nature of the human being. The hero Harry Haller believes that two opposing forces, a man and a wolf, are in constant conflict within him. While he wants to live as a wolf free of all social norms, he lives as a bourgeois bachelor, which isolates him from others. The other character is Hermine, a socialite, an ideal foil to the isolated bachelor. The climax of the book culminates in the Magic Theatre where Harry is seen to murder Hermine. But whether the murder actually takes place is a puzzle.

I guess one would be reminded of an earlier work by Robert Louis Stevenson ‘Dr.Jekyll and Mr.Hyde’ while reading ‘Steppenwolf’, where the split between Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde can be said to represent the civilized and the animalistic version of the same person.

Of course the greatest of Hesse’s works is ‘The Glass Bead Game’ which I feel is beyond the scope of this posting, a book of great intellectual and epic proportions, which ultimately won him the Nobel Prize for literature in 1946.

IN MY LITTLE ROOM

In My Little Room

The flower vase stood alone,

Still and elegant,

The flowers spread all around,

Withered and silent,

My memories lay strewn,

In bits and pieces,

And as I sit at my desk,

The words don’t flow easily.

Desolate days and numbing nights,

Fill the years,

That have passed me by,

The waking hours and in my sleep,

I dig and burrow deep,

To the depths of my soul,

To piece together,

To find my goal.

In the corner the lamp stands,

Dark and a fused bulb,

A lone spectator of the happenings,

Throws no light,

On my predicament.

And the walls watched,

As they joined hands,

Frightened that I may fly away.

DUALITY - PART1

DUALITY- PART 1

Our entire life it seems is spent in dealing with the duality that persists in the conduct and experiencing the world around us. Why do I say this?

It starts with day and night, good and evil, and finally being and nothingness or life and death. Our entire life is a journey through these contrasts. There has to be a potential difference between two points for a flow to take place, be it electricity, magnetism or just the flow of a river. It is only when you taste bitterness that you appreciate what sweetness means. Nothing exists without its opposite.  While we understand ‘day and night’ as an occurrence which is an absolute requirement of the objective world, and a measurement of the period of our existence here, the others are entirely subjective. The mind body relationship has been introspected upon for centuries be it eastern philosophy or western philosophy. Whether it is the Cartesian Dualism or the Dvaita philosophy of Hinduism or the Yin and Yang of Chinese thought, man has had to live through the process of trying to understand the dualism that exists and seeking an answer for a unification of the conflicts within himself and in the course of living in the objective world . We can trace his efforts to relate the external world of physical objects with the internal world of mental objects within himself. Why this quest? He finds an order in the physical external world of objects, they conform to certain laws and are publicly observable, but when he comes into the internal world within himself he is unable to fully comprehend its nature except the fact that it is somehow related in a contingent manner with the external world. This is where the question of mind body relationship occurs.

Duality as a subject has given rise to great works of literature. It has been man’s never ending quest to come to terms with the various forces working within him. It is the realisation that without darkness, there is no true appreciation of light.

Let us first explore the place of Dualism in Hindu Philosophy. We have the three principal schools of thought – Dvaita, Advaita and Visisht Advaita. While Dvaita draws a clear distinction between God (Paramatma the Supreme Soul) and the Individual Souls (Jivatma), Advaita (Monism) at the other end refers to the identity of the Self (Atman) and the Whole (Brahman) and the recognition of this leads to liberation, in other words ultimately it is only Brahman that alone exists and all that dualism we experience is only an Illusion. It is the veil of Maya that has given rise to the illusion of duality. In between we have Visisht Advaita (Qualified Monism). This system of thought also advocates monism but with qualifications. As per this school, we are all flawed souls who are in this world in physical form and are therefore not Gods. To join Brahman is the ultimate goal of all souls, a soul can only join Brahman upon becoming perfect, until such time the soul will have to keep changing bodies and experience events based on its karma in-order to perfect itself and therefore - continues the cycle of birth and death.

We see that all these schools of thought recognise the fact of two entities, one the individual and the other the Supreme being. The differences have been only at the way of bringing about a synthesis. While Dvaitha Philosophy advocates that it is never possible for the Individual soul to merge with the Supreme, the other two do believe that the Individual Soul and the Supreme will ultimately have to be one, either by lifting the veil of Maya (Advaita) or through perfecting the Individual Soul through successive births to ultimately merge with the Supreme. This is a simplistic way of looking at these schools of thought and is only from a laymans point of view.

All the dualities I have outlined above – dark and light, male and female, cold and hot etc are all thought of as manifestations of the Yin and Yang in Taoist Philosophy. When one looks at the symbol the Taijitu by which Yin and Yang are represented we notice how though they are contrary forces are interconnected to form the complete picture. Reproduced below is a description of the Taijitsu symbol and its significance in respect of the Taoist Philosophy,

“At its heart are the two poles of existence, which are opposite but complementary. The light, white Yang moving up blends into the dark, black Yin moving down. Yin and Yang are dependent opposing forces that flow in a natural cycle, always seeking balance. Though they are opposing, they are not in opposition to one another. As part of the Tao, they are merely two aspects of a single reality. Each contains the seed of the other, which is why we see a black spot of Yin in the white Yang and vice versa. They do not merely replace each other but actually become each other through the constant flow of the universe.”

All the great religions of the world whether it be Hinduism, Buddhism, Taoism, Christianity etc converge on the fact that there is an individual and a God or to put it as the Individual soul and the Absolute,  the Atman and the Brahman and spelling out ways of a synthesis between the two to arrive at an understanding of the world and a meaning to life. They give hope to the individual of a liberation from the seemingly endless cycle of life and death.  

A LETTER TO GOD - 4

A LETTER TO GOD - 4

Dear God,

Surprised? A second letter from me within a week, does’nt it mean that you are constantly in my thoughts? Well the truth is that you are appearing before me more often. Today I saw you and listened to you speak. There was a huge crowd as usual, people blocking others view of you in a bid to have your darshan. Initially I was annoyed, but later I realised that it was pointless to squeeze my way through to look at you. So I remained where I sat and watched you on the TV screen and was satisfied, for you seemed much closer and I could hear every word you spoke. I could understand whatever you spoke, for your words were simple and your logic impeccable. All around me I saw satisfied looks as if to say that they had found the answers to their questions and doubts. How much of what you said will be retained by them after they leave the temple and go back to their homes is open to conjecture. I felt that you were addressing me and responding to the questions I had raised in my earlier letters. I was happy but my doubts still remain and I still believe in you.

You started with the question ‘Why does one pray to God?’ and went on to elucidate logically the necessity of God in our lives. From time immemorial we have always believed in a power that governs the course of our lives, a power that is beyond thought and beyond human comprehension. That you are beyond our comprehension is still very much valid in our times. So why does one pray to God, it is because he wants something and believes that it is not possible for anyone  in his vicinity to satisfy these needs, you can say humanly impossible. You added that it is Hope that God gives you and all that he demands is faith. Hope, that is what I have been talking to you about in all my letters, and that is why I keep writing to you whether you reply or not.

Bhakti or devotion to God, you said can be put into four categories. A person prays to God when i) he wants deliverance from suffering ii) he wants the fulfilment of his desires iii) he wants the knowledge to realise himself in a bid to understand You iv) he has attained realisation. You said that we will find only the first two categories prevalent and the other two are not relevant for you to address as they are already on the path beyond the self.

So one prays to God seeking deliverance from suffering or for the fulfilment of his wants. You said that God is impartial and there are no different yardsticks with which he measures people. All are equal in front of him. It is only devotion that counts, pure unstinted devotion. From what I understood, if our prayers are not answered then it means that our devotion is not complete. You of course acknowledged that questions may rise in one’s mind regarding the disparities that exist, a man who prays suffers and a man who lives an immoral or unethical life, maybe leading a comfortable life. You went on to add that the results of one’s actions will soon catch up and the effects may be felt either in this life or the next life. Karma, that is the catch word.

This is where my problem lies. I have already written in my first letter that this cause and effect explanation does not satisfy me. It is of course an easy way to explain away things beyond our control.

You see I have never disbelieved in you. Though questions are raised and your silence is  exhibited as proof of your non existence by people who do not believe in you, I only ask why are you silent.

There is this book ‘The God Delusion’ by Richard Dawkins which challenges the very idea of your existence. I bought it out of curiosity and tried going through it, but left it midway because I felt the arguments expressed in the book were bigoted.  

We have never been able to pinpoint the boundaries of this Universe, the more we discover the vaster it seems and there can never be an end to the frontiers. At the micro level things are only a probability. When it comes to understanding you, there can never be a formula. But my angst is real, where has this germinated from I still fail to understand. Why do I feel the way I do? I guess no one other than me can find the answer. You will observe from all my letters to you, that I have never questioned your existence, whatever form you may be in. You are the only answer to all the unsolved mysteries of this universe and there will always be unsolved mysteries despite all that man can discover.

Yours truly, I remain a believer.

  

A LETTER TO GOD - 3

A LETTER TO GOD - 3

Dear God,

It has been sometime since I wrote to you. Not that I did not have anything to write about, but because I have been flooded with more doubts, misgivings despite the fact that I have poured my heart out to you in my last two letters. Incidentally I may remind you that I have not received any reply even the customary blessing from you. Anyway I take it that you have read it. You may have decided that I do not need any answers and I have to find them out by myself. In which case, why should I still hang on to you. You keep dangling that ‘hope’ in front of me, like a carrot in front of the donkey, that is why. But like I said before, I shall continue writing to you whether you hear me or not, whether you afford a solution or not.

Today I shall talk to you about ‘The Guardians of God’. You look surprised? Well yes you have guardians, you must be aware of them. They guard you from people like me, they do not let me approach you, lest I pollute your presence. Doubts are blasphemous, and you are an outcaste if you do not adhere to the code they have  laid down. They take your name and say that it is how one should approach you or worship you. Did you say such a thing, dear God? It seems that I know you better than these people, you would never say such a thing, for you never say anything.

Today I watched you from a corner, for I wanted to catch a glimpse of you. I was happy to see you, it did not matter whether your gaze was directed towards me even for a fraction of a second. How could you see me when there were so many eager faces thrusting themselves to catch a glimpse of you and hoping that you will reward them with your benign smile, a smile of recognition.

Someone I knew asked me why I had not worn a dhoti and put the holy ash on my forehead before coming to see you. I had never really thought about it, I just came to see you. I told him just that. He looked bemused and moved on. I have decided that next time I come, I shall accordingly adorn myself and see whether I can get closer to you.

Today I saw that there are people, who are more equal than others, who can get closer to you and who are above the norms that have been laid down and attributed to you. At least that is how they feel, but I know that it does not matter to you, but it matters to people like me.

Of course I appreciate that it is necessary to have these ‘Guardians’ to protect you, looking at the frenzy that your presence evoked, there could easily have been a stampede and even you may not have been spared.

At the end of it all the general consensus and the topic of discussion was that the entire function was well conducted. Pardon me, but I left before you started your address to your devotees. As is my wont I later asked someone as to what you spoke, I was told you spoke very well and that was it.

It intrigues me whenever I wonder whether you bless everyone who comes to you or are selective in your blessings. For if you bless everyone then there should be no reason for anyone to be unhappy, but that is not the case. So are you selective? If so why? I know you will say ‘ be sincere and truthful in your prayers, have patience’. Yes I have been waiting.

Coming back to the ‘Guardians’, last week I had an occasion to visit Kolkata after a long time, just for two days. The people I had gone with insisted that we visit the Kali temple at Kalighat, after all a visit to Kolkata is incomplete without visiting and worshipping you there. And what a visit it was! I do not think I shall visit you there again, even at the cost of incurring your wrath, for that would be preferable to try and see you there. I had resolved before the visit that I shall not succumb to the lure of the pujaris and their henchmen, to get a preferential treatment and a closer look at you. But what happened, seemed beyond my control. The minute I alighted from the taxi, I was hijacked by one of the henchmen and I succumbed. Though I did put up a resistance and held on tightly to my purse, I had to loosen the strings a bit. I was not allowed to see you unless I had filled the outstretched hands of one of your guardians, who stood at the entrance to your sanctum sanctorum, who shouted that it is not possible to go inside and pushed away anyone who wanted a peek at you atleast. Of course depending on the amount one put in his hands, he was  allowed a glimpse of you. I lasted exactly five seconds, the next thing I found myself being escorted by the henchman to be blessed by a purohit who uttered something, placed his hand on my head and demanded Rs. 1100 as dakshina. I kept my wits around me and paid him Rs. 100 and got out of there fast. On my way back I followed a trail of red liquid leading to the exit, only then it struck me that it was blood. The next minute I saw a lamb freshly bathed and with flowers around its neck being led in and I understood why. I only remember the look on the lamb’s face, oblivious of the fate that awaited it.

This is not an isolated happening for you will find the Guardians everywhere. They have become more important than you

God, is this a part of your machinations? is it you who has ordained all this? Your Guardians have made you into a commodity and sell you and you keep watching. Of course you can be sold because there are buyers. The number of people wanting to see you, touch you and ask you for favours is ever increasing. So you see the demand is far outstripping the supply and maybe that’s why you have these Guardians. But how many come for your sake, to understand you and be with you?

Of course I know you will say, that only if I have true faith I shall overcome all the obstacles and you will reveal yourself to me. But the question now is ‘Why do I seek you and what difference does it make whether you reveal yourself or not? You are only making it more difficult and the obstacles insurmountable’.

Till next time,

Yours truly, once again I remain. 

DECADENCE

Decadence

Cobwebs on the ceiling,

And in the corners of my mind,

Unswept dust on the bookstand,

A decadence, I cannot understand;

And in front, the mirror stares,

At the wrinkles on my face,

The Buddha sits his eyes closed,

Cannot see my agony.

Through the broken window,

This stifling heat burns me;

Outside the smell of burnt grass,

Chokes and strangles me.

The barren trees, the parched river,

Dead fish and the carcass,

The dead bird coos no longer,

The ghosts and the shadows linger,

In the corners of my mind.

The caterpillar is long dead,

But the worm it crawls inside my head,

Bores its way excruciatingly,

Numbs my nerves and my will

I could not move, I stood still.

The hours and the days pass,

Ever so quickly without a pause,

I wake up to sleep again,

I feel no joy, I feel no pain,

Just a fallen tree on the ground.

It has set in, I know for sure,

A decadence, I cannot understand.