Tuesday, July 21, 2015



The bell rang and I opened the door. “Hi, can I come in?” he asked, as he stood at the entrance with a wry smile. I was staring at a youthful face which somehow seemed familiar, only this one was clad in saffron colored robes and a turban to match. I have always been wary of saffron clad bearded Swamijis (of the PK kind), for I somehow felt uneasy in their presence. Whenever I accompanied my wife to one of those various spiritual gatherings (hey don’t get me wrong on this. These were real spiritual ones, the Godly types) I kept my distance for I was afraid of being stared at by one of them and pronounced a debauch and non-believer with all my secrets exposed. I of course did receive my share of the largesse, an apple or an orange, when I prostrated in front of them to seek their blessings.  

Before I could say “Yes please come in” he had already walked past me and parked himself on the sofa in the living room. While I was about to protest this unprovoked invasion of my private space, he took of his turban and placed it next to him. It was then I recognized him. Those ears, unmistakable, it was DY.

“Surprised?” he asked.

“You bet” I said, “for a moment I thought you were one of those fake babas. I was almost going to throw you out. Where have you been all this while? After that interview with Arnold Ghostbaiter you just vanished. I thought you had gone back.”

“Oh! No. How could I leave without seeing you again?”
Yes, it had been nearly three months since that day when he had appeared on that talk show with Arnold Ghostbaiter. It was for the first time that someone had called Arnold’s bluff. He had not contended with the fact that extra-terrestrials could be extra smart and were not easy bait. I had thoroughly enjoyed the show, but I had an uneasy feeling that my wife was all along watching me and my reactions. It didn’t matter really for I felt vindicated that at last she would be convinced that DY was not a figment of my imagination or my dreams.

“So, why do you call yourself DY? These are just initials.” Arnold Ghostbaiter had fired his opening salvo.

“There is no reason, except that I thought it would be comprehensible to the likes of you. If you know what I mean though I am pretty sure you don’t. Well for a start let me call you AG, your full name is pretty much disgusting” DY replied.

“Let me make one thing clear Mr. DY, I am the person who sets the rules here. You are here just to listen to me and answer when asked to.”

“If PK can be PK, why can’t DY be DY and you AG?” DY persisted.

“Why did you come here?” AG asked

“You called me, so I came” DY said.

The first signs of exasperation appeared on AG’s face “Hell, can’t you understand? Are you really so dumb? We have had enough of PK and now you are here. Why did you come to this planet from yours?”

“The same reason that PK had for coming down here” DY replied.

“And pray what was that?”

“Since you are so persistent, I will let you into a small secret – he had come down to find out more of Nostrodammyou.”

‘You can’t call me names on this show. It is my show and only I have the authority to do so” the growing irritation in AG’s voice was evident.

“You mean to say that only you can call yourself names. Well I have no objection” DY retorted. “Ok there was one more reason – our astronomers found a very high decibel sound emanating from your planet at a specific time periodically; as per your earth time precisely at nine o’clock at night. The only peculiar thing was that this sound was travelling at a speed faster than the speed of light. We thought that yours was a planet far advanced than ours. Imagine sound travelling faster than the speed of light. So it was out of curiosity that we sent PK to investigate. We were not prepared for the destructive nature of this source till PK returned. Now nothing is the same on our planet. So I have come down clandestinely to neutralize this source before it does any more damage to our planet. I think now I have come to the right place.”

AG was left gaping; physics had never been a strong point with him ever since he learnt to spell it. Of course he always thought that it was Feesicks. Not able to comprehend what DY was saying, he tried changing the topic.

“We have been receiving reports that you have been going around reading other people’s minds. You are flouting the law of the land and can be jailed for trespassing into other people’s private parts (hic!) sorry that should have been private things oops! I am sorry once again that should read private life. If you say what you are, can you read what’s in my mind?” it was evident that AG was slowly losing control over himself.

“Ha ha, at least now I can rest assured that I cannot be prosecuted. I cannot see or read anything up there, I mean your mind. You do not have one.”  

For the first time in his entire career with ‘Times Never’, AG looked blank.

The interview had abruptly come to an end as AG fumbled to ask the next question. In fact he had forgotten what it was. It had never happened to him to before. At other times he would have shouted, literally screaming at the participants for not eliciting the right response. But strange as it may seem he was stumped. Last time he was seen, he was anchoring a cookery show. ‘Times never’ was never the same again. There was a perceptible sharp drop in the decibels during the 9 o’clock show and with it a sharp drop in the TRP ratings.
“You know I have now effectively concluded my mission here and will therefore be returning to my planet tonight. I will be picked up at the exact spot you first met me. I have already sent word to my comrades and they have confirmed” DY said.

“That’s all ok. How do you say that you have accomplished your mission?” I asked.

“Well I have been able to effectively neutralize the high decibel sound emanating from your planet and which was disturbing the peace where I live. AG will never be the same again. Before I left New Delhi I met him and asked him how he was faring. You will be surprised to know that he told me he had at last found his calling in the cookery show where apart from conducting he gets to eat all that he had never eaten before.”

“What about the more important task of tracing PK’s girl friend? I thought that was the main reason you were here. After all you told me that your job was to send PK back to Earth, so that things in your planet become normal once again” I asked.

“Oh! Don’t worry. I was able to trace her in New Delhi. You see the show with AG had its benefits. She was watching it and at once contacted the TV station to enquire about my whereabouts. So you see ultimately it was she who traced me and made my job easier. I immediately got in touch with my comrades and told them to pass on the word to PK that she was still waiting for him here. I am sure now that he will return. So in the end it is two birds with one stone, ha,ha. So there you are, I am leaving tonight and I wish you to come and see me off.”

My God! I thought. How was I to convince my wife that it was necessary for me to go to the beach once again to see DY off. When she returned I told her about DY’s visit and his request. Surprisingly she immediately agreed. I knew she wanted to see the last of my escapades with DY.

That night I was at the same spot and DY was there waiting for me. We did not have to wait long as the huge ball like object which I had seen earlier, descend on the sands at exactly the same spot. DY bid me farewell and climbed the ladder to get inside. As soon as he disappeared from my sight, I was surprised to see another figure alight and make its way towards me. A familiar figure, PK had returned

Saturday, July 4, 2015


Today is the 4th July 2015. Four years have passed since that day in 2011 when I went under the surgeon’s knife and found that I did have a heart after all, but a heart that had to be put back in shape, a heart that needed plumbing to get rid of and bypass all that dirt accumulated over the years. Today I thank God (in whichever form one sees him) for having given me an opportunity to relive and realize that life is a celebration. I treat this day as a re-birthday.
I reproduce an excerpt from my book ‘I am just An Ordinary Man’ to recapture that day and which has still left many questions within me unanswered –
“It was the first time that I went for a master health checkup because I and my wife were planning to go to the United States to be with our elder daughter. Whenever I visit a doctor or enter a clinic my blood pressure always goes up. That happens even now. I prayed to God that everything should be normal. It was as if my prayers were answered the blood test reports turned out to be normal. However a small variation was noticed in the electrocardiogram. My cardiologist suggested further investigations to be carried out. So I went for an echocardiogram and a treadmill test. I again prayed to God that these should not throw up anything abnormal. But they did and I was advised to undergo an angiogram. My prayers never stopped. I got admitted to the hospital; all the while hoping that nothing serious would be detected. My prayers continued as I was wheeled into the operation theatre for the procedure. The whole process took less than an hour and as I was conscious I looked at the doctor who said that there was nothing to be alarmed about. My wife and others were outside when I was wheeled out. I was told that I would be under observation for a day in the critical care unit and then shifted to the ward. That was when I stopped praying and gave in to the course of destiny. My family was told after the angiography that I would require a heart bypass operation. My wife visited me during the half hour allowed for visits. I could read the worry on her face. Later in the night I was told by the doctor that I would have to undergo the operation as that was the only option. She also told me not to worry about it as it was now a standard procedure and that the operation would take place four days later. It was then that I stopped praying to God.
Nothing I had prayed to Him for during this entire process had happened. What I was afraid of did happen – he had brought me to the stage which I had wanted to avoid.
I remember being moved from my room and taken through the passages and corridors to the operation theatre. I remember the doctors in their green dresses getting ready to operate. All the while I did not feel the slightest concern for I had awoken to the fact that whatever we hope or pray for will ultimately happen the way they are destined. The anesthetist said that there was nothing to worry about and in a matter of minutes everything blacked out. Later on when I recollected all this, I asked myself whether this is what happens when a person dies. I find it necessary to describe all this, for I have no recollection as to what happened in the intervening period till I regained consciousness ten hours later.
Coming back to consciousness I was reborn. In the intervening period I was dead. The surgeon told my family that I was fine.
My eyes opened slowly and through my half closed eyelids I first saw a brilliant light, then I could discern some movements, some people moving up and down, until a face came close to me and said “the operation is over and you are fine”. Of course I could not move and like the umbilical cord I had tubes stuck all over. I think my wife was allowed briefly to see that all was well. I was in the intensive care unit for three days.
 I was reborn, for I re-learnt how to sit and slowly walk down to the toilet after the catheter was removed. Gradually I moved from liquid to solid food. After three days I was made to walk in the corridors and then climb the stairs. I was discharged on the seventh day after the operation. I should add that my wife became my mother in all ways. God also took seven days to create this world. Didn’t He?”

So you see, He let things happen as they should have and never interfered.