A JOURNAL OF LIFE’S LESSONS- PART 1

 

A JOURNAL OF LIFE’S LESSONS- PART 1

I don’t know whether to feel sorry or get angry. I realize that either of these emotions is not being helpful. But surely I feel concerned and that is something I cannot help. I know that now I am of the old(er) generation and marching towards being a relic to be confined to the cupboard at the corner of the room. Every generation has its own value systems and way of life suited to the ever-changing world around. And that is the truth and it has happened to my generation also but there are certain principles which are the basis of good living in whichever era you belong to. 

Sitting in that chair at the corner of the room, I observe, for I have learned not to speak or sermonize lest it hurt the sensibilities of those around. So I let them be and work their own way through this maze of life and hopefully reach a stage of personal satisfaction. But I cannot let go of this concern. So I found that the best way to lighten this burden of concern is to write it down. Maybe you will read, maybe not; maybe you will agree, maybe you will not. Maybe I shall learn of my own shortcomings and accept and move on a wiser man; maybe I shall rant and remain where I am, self-piteous and not willing to accept changing perceptions. But at least now having written what I have felt like saying, maybe I shall have the courage to look at myself in the mirror.

I started my life as an ordinary man and retired to a satisfactorily normal life except perhaps passing through periods of extraordinariness that I could never sustain. I am not being vain but that is the truth. In my book “I am just An Ordinary man’ I wrote  ‘I have lived an ordinary life. I have done all that the others have done and at the end of the day when I evaluate my life, I find I have not made any lasting contribution’, but that is not the entire truth. Maybe I am judging with different yardsticks. To be true when I look back at my life I am satisfied. My wife and I live a normal life. There were wants but not great ones and they were fulfilled. A modest salary by today’s standards, a good career and by the time I retired, our children were educated and married. A decent amount of savings and pension from the bank and a flat which I was wise enough to invest in, way back in the early years of my career, ensured a decent retired life, again underlining the fact that our wants were simple and few.  

So what are these principles which are the basis of a good living, whichever era you belong to- 

The first and foremost are relationships. We are social animals and it is through interactions with our kind that we derive empathy, the satisfaction of our need to relate and be recognized, compassion, and love. There should always be reverence, and humility in our approach, for that apart from creating respect enhances our self-esteem and acts as a mirror to recognize our own distortions.

I came across a passage from Will Durant’s book ‘Fallen Leaves' - 

‘Children and fools speak the truth, and somehow they find happiness in their sincerity’

‘Watch him, and see how bit by bit, he learns the nature of things by random movements of exploration. The world is a puzzle to him; and these haphazard responses of grasping, biting, and throwing are the pseudophobia, which he puts out to a perilous experience. Curiosity consumes and develops him; he would touch and taste everything from his rattle to the moon. For the rest, he learns by imitation though his parents think he learns by sermons. They teach him gentleness, and beat him; they teach him mildness of speech, and shout at him; they teach a Stoic apathy to finance, and quarrel before him about the division of their income; they teach him honesty, and answer his most profound questions with lies. Our children bring us by showing us, through imitation, what we really are.’

We think we know what our children want and what they should do. Listen to your child. If only you can cast aside your ego and listen, a child has a lot to teach, for in its innocence there is truth, and the truth is what we avoid as we grow older for we are afraid to look at our own failures, our weaknesses. In trying to shield your shortcomings you try to impose them on the child. Remember our children bring us by showing, through imitation, what we really are. 

Children are sensitive so don’t shout at them pointing out what you think are their faults. Don’t shame them for they are sensitive and will carry that in their psyche. I have seen parents shout at their children in front of others. This is the worst kind of hurt that you can inflict on the child. I remember that I was never shouted at, or have I shouted at my children. Maybe I carried over what my parents did to me. It is good to teach your child to reach for the sky, but ask yourself whether you ever did reach the sky. Respect a child’s capabilities and accept that he is good as he is. It is better to teach the child that it is ok to be rooted to the ground first, he will learn to fly later and maybe reach for the sky in his own time. We ultimately pass on our values to the child, so introspect and set your values right if they need to be set right. Telling your child to be a good person is the best value you can instill. Remember many a child prodigy has faded away as they grew older because of the pressures and expectations that they have been subjected to by their parents primarily. 

TO BE CONTINUED