PARENTING

Parenting


Parenting was not so difficult as it is today. It is done by the book rather than through our natural instincts as a parent. My children tell me as to how to bring up a child, forgetting that they are what they are today and they have not done badly in life so far. They are affectionate, a trait they retain due to affectionate parenting. Affection cannot be learned or taught through books. I may be a old fogey (not so old really), since I am a grandfather now, but I can still instinctually feel what a baby wants. So I find it really funny and at times annoying, when you have to refer to a page in the book on how to bring up a child to understand what the baby is feeling at the present moment. I understand that with the pressures on working parents to adhere to schedules, they do not have the time to sit and watch the baby grow. I also understand that with the tremendous advances in medical science, infant mortality has drastically come down and medical advice is readily available to take care of ailments. This is an aid available to us and should be immediately used in case of sickness. But trying to understand the mind of a child through reading books written by various psychologists, each expressing his own view will not alone help in building up the character of the child as he grows up.

We now start in a denial mode –‘ do not allow the child to suck its thumb or fingers, this is habit forming’. If you watch the infant growing up you will notice that it naturally takes its fingers to its mouth. No one has taught it to do so, it is a natural instinct at that stage of its growth. As it grows older we ourselves discourage this, lest it turns into a habit. By denying the baby its natural instinct in the initial stages itself, when it is not able to understand, we are only denying its comfort. I do not think there is an infant that has not sucked its thumb, we all have. The fact we no longer do it is that we do not need it at this stage.

Everyone wants his child to grow up as an excellent human being. This is true of all the parents, they want the best for the child. It is a competitive world and the knowledge levels are growing at an increasing pace. You now have the best educational facilities and naturally you want your child to do very well in life. There is tremendous pressure to do well in studies, and rise up to the expectations of the parents. This also is natural. But for the child to grow up as a decent intelligent human being and I place this above rearing up your child as the most intelligent person in the world, our own attitude matters most. We pass on to the child our behaviour patterns.

When I was working, I have counselled my employees to be punctual in office. I have told them not only am I watching them as their superior they are being watched more importantly by their own children. Their diligence and punctuality at work would also determine as to how their children fared in school or college. Not only do you pass on your positive but more importantly and undesirable you pass on your negative traits.

Employers now do not go by the intelligence of the candidate alone but lay stress more on his emotional intelligence. This is the capacity to perceive and manage one’s own emotions but more importantly be receptive to the other person’s emotions. It is the degree of empathy that one is able to develop, which will determine the success of his relationships in life. After all, that is what life is about. Are you as a parent, emotionally intelligent, have your relationships been successful? Ask yourself that question. May be you will find an answer to the success of your child in his life.