A JOURNAL OF LIFE’S LESSONS - PART 6 FROM ORDINARY MAN TO MRITYUNJAY

 

A JOURNAL OF LIFE’S LESSONS - PART 6

FROM ORDINARY MAN TO MRITYUNJAY 

I reproduce here a first selection of passages from my books- a journey of learning,  an inquiry into life, and an acceptance of reality. It is through the characters in my books that I have tried to put forward not only my philosophy of life, but also what I have learned through my interactions with people who have been part of the journey. Ultimately the journey of life is one's own and the paths are many, but like the river finally flows into the ocean and merges with it we also merge with the undefined Absolute

“In that slowly descending darkness as the moon ascended and a gentle breeze blew, I found myself enveloped in that stillness and a strange sort of bliss. I let lay the existential dilemmas somewhere within me for the moment and allowed myself to be immersed in that beyond.”

― Darkness and Beyond: A Medley of Many Lives

“When you have stripped yourself bare like the trees in the fall season you will be standing totally barren with nothing to hide”

― I am just An Ordinary Man

“Learn to listen to the river and flow along with it. Its waters soothe and heal everyone. It does not distinguish between caste, creed, or religion. I have learned a lot from it, for the doctor’s duty is also similar- to soothe, heal without distinction.”

― The Diary of Mrityunjay

“He made me realize that life was not all darkness and that it can be dispelled with the light of hope. I learned the value of faith and loyalty in the conduct of one’s life, for that was how he led his.”

― Darkness and Beyond

“How can one ever write the story of one’s life when it has not ended? If he does, then it is an incomplete story. But isn’t it a paradox that one has to be alive to write one’s own story, a story which is never complete till he is dead”

― I am just An Ordinary Man

“The most important thing I learned from my parents is that there is nothing like sympathy, it is only compassion that one should feel. My parents have given me love and I have understood what compassion is from them. That in the ultimate analysis has made me what I am. I am what I am; there is no other state I can be. There is no question of ‘If’ in my vocabulary. A majority of us spend our time thinking about the choices we have made in life and how things could have been different if we had chosen otherwise. We have made certain choices because they were within our power to do so. When we start thinking that things could have been different and maybe we would have led a better life than our present state, we start feeling unhappy and miserable. We are helpless when we start questioning our origins and why we were not born under more favorable circumstances. We question God and blame him for all the misery that we are undergoing now. There are no answers when someone comes along and says it is due to our Karma and we are atoning for our sins in a previous birth. All the same we are miserable. Most of the time, we end up blaming extraneous reasons for our mistakes and retreat into a shell of self-pity. If”

― Darkness and Beyond: A Medley of Many Lives

“I have learnt my lessons. I have realized that the world is real and our existence a necessity. Life and death are certainties and so are all the gamut of emotions that we experience on our journey. The earlier we accept this, the easier would it be to live. One does not learn by moving away. One learns by sticking it out and facing the truth of our fallibilities and that alone is the only way to overcome them”

― THE DIARY OF MRITYUNJAY

T

“I stand exorcised of the ghosts of the past,

That haunted and hounded me,

Through the corridors of the path I had tread,

And through the halls of time.”

― THE DIARY OF MRITYUNJAY

“For me the human condition is paramount, and asking ‘Why’ is not in my scheme of things. I have learned to accept what life throws at me because I alone can face it. That’s why I do not talk very much about a Creator, God, or a Supreme Being coming down to solve my problems.”

― THE DIARY OF MRITYUNJAY

“It is the impact that the poem had on my own thinking process and set the tone for the first and longest story in this book, ‘Autumn Leaves.’ Having seen around me the reality of aging and loneliness predominant, and the younger generation moving still further away and the older ones slowly learning to cope with being by themselves. This story traces the disintegration of families from what was once a joint one with a ruling patriarch and the other members strewn around not far away, to single units ultimately spread out in far and distant lands; the slow but perceptible shifting away in distance and relationships and acceptance of which as a reality was unalterable. The advancement in knowledge and the growth in opportunities away from home, contributing to a more independent individual learning to live life on his own terms, though desirable, has led to the splintering of families and in a sense an inevitable reality of being left alone as one aged.”

― Autumn Leaves : Seasons of Life

“I also liked to sit with a mug of beer in one corner of the room and watch the others. This was for the first time I realized that someone was also watching me. That happens I guess, for when we are bored with ourselves we watch others.”

― Darkness and Beyond: A Medley of Many Lives

“The way a person laughs is perhaps the closest indicator to his actual self. “So”

― Darkness and Beyond: A Medley of Many Lives

“One finds one’s own answers to the questions in life, if and when they arise. They are as old as you are and that’s why I am slightly surprised at your question. You see I belong to another generation and it has not been easy to shake away all the beliefs that I have grown up with. But in the process I have shed a lot of the baggage of my predecessors and I am sure that my children are doing the same. I am awake to the demands of this changing world and what was God to me must be different now, though the basic questions of life will remain. You will find your own God and give him a new form. But why did you suddenly ask me this question?” “Sir,”

― Darkness and Beyond: A Medley of Many Lives

“It was strange but the name’s origin lies in a dream I had, the only thing of which I remember is of a woman who appears therein and when I ask her name, she replies ‘Amora.’ I do not know whether my subconscious was at work or whether hidden infatuations had surfaced.”

― Autumn Leaves : Seasons of Life

“it is only the level of acceptance in a relationship that is a true indicator of its strength and determines its longevity. We have accepted and respected each other’s space and worked together for the welfare of the children and that’s how the family stays as a family. Compromise really does not work, for like a truce, it is a temporary call to end hostilities. It could break down any moment.”

― Darkness and Beyond: A Medley of Many Lives

“As I watched him get into his car and drive away I was reminded of my own self thirty- five years ago when such questions on relationships and the uncertainty in our lives had also haunted me. But I had found answers for myself.”

― Darkness and Beyond: A Medley of Many Lives

“Looking back, I suspect a number of them did last as there was no other option. But whether then or now, it has always been the absence of empathy; insensitivity on the part of one and a weakness on the part of the other to recognize emotional and physical needs of each other that has been the reason for conflicts in a relationship.”

― Darkness and Beyond: A Medley of Many Lives

“As you grow older you come to appreciate those little things and laugh at your own idiosyncrasies. It is when you are able to do this, you move towards a total acceptance of the person that you are and life becomes easier and comfortable. Your relationships become genuine, for you do not hide much.”

― I am just An Ordinary Man

It is very difficult to accept one’s own mortality. But that is the truth, one day we shall cease to be. I have never believed in divine interventions or an afterlife, for these only tend to distract you from the present reality – that we live and should every moment be aware that life is what you make of it. Though I have never been religious and do not look at the scriptures or the rituals as that ordained by a supreme being who sits in judgment over our actions, Karma Yoga appeals to me for it is a path of selfless action. I look at Krishna as an evolved being not as a God who through his Gita tried to tell us that one has to face the results of one’s actions. Buddha was a wise man who learned to cope with the miseries of the world and prescribed a path for the rightful conduct of one’s life and ending one’s suffering. While one was God the other was the Enlightened One. Both of them placed before you the promise of a better afterlife for rightful actions in this life. I have had a fair share of experiences in this life to make me realize that it is only compassion and empathy that ultimately leads one to fulfillment. I am not a scholar or have an in-depth knowledge of the scriptures and can never enter into a debate as to what is right and what is wrong. It is futile, for everyone looks at the world from his own view. We spend most of our life debating whether the world is because of divine intervention or just an accident. Understanding the world requires one to set aside prejudices and stop being judgmental. 

• Autumn Leaves, Enigma (this is the philosophy of life expressed by the main character Atulya in Enigma the third story of the book)

COMING HOME a book by SMITHA VISHWANATH BOOK REVIEW

 

COMING HOME by SMITHA VISHWANATH

BOOK REVIEW

My introduction to Smitha’s writings was when I read ‘Roads - A Journey with Verses’ which she had co-authored. A book of poems that I had also reviewed and posted on my blog. I found her mellow and inclusive in expressing her feelings. She understands that change is the only constant in life. With a ‘never say die’ attitude, her writing is one of hope and courage. I have been an avid reader of her blog and poems.

In one of her poems ‘Hesitate and seal your Fate’ she writes-

Break the chains that hold you back,

Shatter the walls that make you slack,

Drop the baggage from your cart,

It’s never too late to start.

This positive streak is reflected in all her writings and one finds ample instances throughout her first novel. In a preface to one of her poems ‘Hush Daddy! Don’t fear’ she writes ‘Taking care of a parent isn’t always easy. It’s a vicious cycle of guilt, duty, love, and responsibility. As for the parent, there’s no refuting that aging is an extremely difficult phase of life and a lonely journey’. It was necessary for me to reproduce the above so that the reader has an insight into the author’s emotional nature, her sensitivity to the situations she finds herself in, and in the ultimate analysis that’s what ‘Coming Home’ is about. This is amply evident from the responses of the protagonist Shanaya: the way she handles the trauma of her mother’s death and the resultant loneliness which envelops her father. 

I have always felt that the first novel of an author is to a large extent autobiographical. The need to understand one’s own life and pour out the innermost feelings which we have allowed to lie dormant within us, to hold a mirror in front of us to see our perfections and imperfections and in the end feel fulfilled. Whether it is through fiction or through a straightforward autobiography. That’s what Smitha has done, woven, a fictional story (that I feel) around her own experiences in life into a sensitive story covering all facets of human emotions. Call it a love story, or a journey back to her roots ending in self-discovery, there’s no denying the fact that the reader will find the book absorbing and remind them of some of the classics they have read before. While the book has romance for the romantic, for the discerning banker her background as a banker is amply demonstrated in her descriptions of Shanaya’s work at the bank and the various situations she handles with aplomb. These are detailed and in no sense out of context and in a way will be of interest to the banker reader like me.

The depth of Smitha’s writing lies in her ability to delve deep into the characters she creates, the sensitiveness with which she handles them and brings them alive, so much so that the readers find themselves woven into the fabric of the book and an active observer of the events. In fact, I found myself interacting with the characters while reading the book. Apart from the characterizations, Smitha has recreated the places and situations brilliantly with her eye for detail and the felicity with which she handles her words.

A combination of a banker, poet, artist, and now an author, is a rarity - one mundane and the other in the realms of creative excellence. Smitha is one. She is a prolific blogger. I have been an avid reader of her blog posts and an admirer of her paintings. Her growth as an artist over the last three years has been phenomenal as is evident from her various posts on her blog and social media. She has brought a lot of this artistry while writing her first novel. I am sure many more will follow.

‘Coming Home’ is a book you will love. Read and review it on the book’s site on Amazon.in where it is available and don’t forget to reserve a place on your shelf. 

HIGHLY RECOMMENDED

SYNOPSIS

To Shanaya the protagonist, Dubai is the place where she grew up, studied, worked, and as such, that was her home till the traumatic event of her mother’s death brings her back.  The first chapter gives us an inkling of what coming home is about.

Twenty-six-year-old, Shanaya, finds her idea of home and family ripped apart when she loses her mother. Her effort to drown herself in her job proves to be financially rewarding and her work is recognized by the organisation. But, even this is not enough to fill the vacuum in her heart or answer the questions, her mother’s sudden death had given rise to. In her quest for peace and the need to hold her family together, she leaves her job in Dubai and moves to India. The story finds Shanaya journeying across geographical planes and inner landscapes to finally reach ‘home'. Coming Home is a heartwarming story about self-discovery, relationships, loss, love, destiny, the choices we make, and how these choices eventually lead to what we are destined for. 

A JOURNAL OF LIFE’S LESSONS- PART 5 IN SEARCH OF SIGNIFICANCE

 

A JOURNAL OF LIFE’S LESSONS- PART 5

IN SEARCH OF SIGNIFICANCE

While talking to my grandson on FaceTime a few days ago (as I do every morning), I complimented him on a poem he had written in school. In fact, I was astonished that a twelve-year-old boy could write a poem running to about sixty lines on the American War of Independence. I reproduce a few lines to give an idea of his thinking process-

Fighting and fighting,

Waging a war,

Wondering what it’s worth,

What it’s worth fighting for.

In the years to come if the next generation continues with this mindset then I am sure that the world will become a better place to live in. What impressed me more was the quality of mentoring imparted at the school level in molding the thinking process of young minds.

As the subject for the day centered around poetry, I asked him whether he knew what ‘Haiku’ is. 

“Yes, it is a type of short-form poetry originally from Japan,” he replied.

“They taught you that in school?” I asked.

“Yes, we had a discussion on that,” he replied.

“I will read out a poem I had written, can you tell me whether it is a Haiku?” I asked. 

I then read out the following poem to him-

In the shade

of the redwood tree,

I stood, a fly,

In time and space,

Insignificant.

“No grandpa, it is strictly not a haiku. It is a short poem,” he said.

“And why so?” I asked.

“We were taught in school that a Japanese haiku consists of three lines or phrases with a 5-7-5 structure of syllables,” he said.

“But it does have other important features of a Haiku, like it is short and contemplative and has an emphasis on imagery,” I asked.

“Well, you can call it an English haiku,” he replied.

As I continued conversing with him I learned a few things myself, that it is never too early to understand nor is it never too late to learn. A few significant things arose from the conversation, though the keyword in the poem was ‘insignificant’. The most striking observation was when he said that ‘insignificant’ indicated ‘existential dread’. It left me groping for words. 

“And where did you learn that,? I asked.

“We had a discussion in school, and that’s where I heard about existential dread,” he replied.

“Do you know what it means?” I asked again.

“Oh, it is something to do with anxiety and finding a meaning in life,” he replied.

“But grandpa, no one is insignificant,” he continued “everyone is significant in some way isn’t it?”

“Yes, you have a point there,” I said and stopped.

I decided that it was time to change the topic of our conversation and veered off to more mundane things. I was afraid that we were stepping into an area that was far beyond the realms of childhood and disturbing the innocence that lay therein was not my idea of a conversation. He seemed to have touched a spot that had taken me years to understand and experience. I was also aware that he had only spilled out what he had picked up during the class. But he had touched a raw nerve when he talked of existential dread.

Several years ago (eleven to be exact), when on a visit to the US, I had the opportunity to visit the Muir Woods National Monument which is situated a few miles north of San Francisco. The 558-acre Monument preserves one of the last remaining ancient redwood forests in The Bay Area. Some of the redwoods are nearly 1,000 years old and reach heights of more than 250 feet. As I walked through the preserve I was overcome with a sense of awe looking at the humongous size of the trees: so tall and so broad around their trunks that you felt like just an insignificant dot in that landscape, for all purposes non-existent. As I found a place in a cavity of the trunk of one tree and stood there, my nephew who had accompanied me clicked a photo (the photo is attached along with this post). When I returned home to India and scanned through the photographs, this one stood out and I immediately penned the five lines reproduced above.  At that time what went through my mind was how small I looked compared to the giant redwood tree. 

It is only now, years later, that the question of ‘Existential dread’ rose again (after the talk with my grandson). I had long ago felt the anxiety, the dread of melting away into ‘Insignificance’, like Antoine Roquentin in Sartre’s novel ‘Nausea’. Throughout the novel, Roquentin grapples with uncertainty about his own existence and the existence of objects and people in the world around him. The seemingly impulsive act of picking up a pebble and throwing it into the sea overcomes him with nausea and the meaninglessness of his act. He is left searching for authenticity in his living. 

There is no general formula for tackling this anxiety of fading into insignificance. Each person carries his own burden and seeks out his own answers. Maybe that is why I found my way to becoming significant through my books. My first book ‘I am just An Ordinary Man’ arose out of this question of existential dread. Writing has given me release. 

In other words, it is the aspiration to be something of ‘Significance’.  But like my grandson said ‘no one is insignificant, everyone is significant in some way isn’t it?”

A JOURNAL OF LIFE’S LESSONS- PART 4 IN PURSUIT OF TRUE HAPPINESS

 

A JOURNAL OF LIFE’S LESSONS- PART 4

IN PURSUIT OF TRUE HAPPINESS

“What is happiness?” I asked.

He remained silent. When I repeated the question again, he said-

“I don’t know.” 

That was an odd answer coming from someone who was revered as a learned person and a Guru.

“Then why do people say they want to be happy,” I asked.

“I don’t know,” he again repeated. 

“But Guruji, frankly, they must be speaking on a stage where they will be devoid of all miseries and achieve what they desire. Is that what they call happiness?” I persisted.

“I really don’t know,” he said and then looked at me intently and smiled. He knew that I was getting irritated at not getting any positive response from him. 

“When have you been truly happy?” he suddenly asked.

“I don’t know,” I replied.

“See, you have answered your own question. You do not know when you were truly happy. Isn’t it because you really do not know what true happiness is?” 

“I am confused,” I said.

“Well, we can at least start at this point, that we do not know what happiness is. What we call happiness can never be defined. It just happens, you can never plan to be happy, for it cannot be pursued. Again, it is subjective. It happens to different people at different times. So what is the point of looking out for definitions, or seeking other people’s views on it? The closest we can try to understand is that moment when all other thoughts come to a standstill and you are totally immersed in that sensation of joy. ‘True Happiness’ is always ‘Is’ it can never be ‘Will be’.”

“So Guruji, you said ‘sensation of joy’. Isn’t that happiness?” I asked.

“Well, I leave it to you to answer that to yourself. I talked to you about moments and the sensation of joy. How many times have you experienced these moments?”

I sat in front of him for some time, in silence. He smiled at me as I took my leave and left. I did not get an answer, but was left with a question, searching, trying to recollect those moments. They were only moments that passed away as we moved on in time and space, nothing everlasting. The conversation had left me in confusion. 

I remember that during one of my early morning walks along the seashore, I took a break and made my way toward the sea. It was still dark and a few minutes before dawn. I stood, feeling the cool air and the rhythmic motion of the waves and felt them, caress my feet as they flattened out before withdrawing back into the ocean. It was a strange feeling: mystic. And as I gazed at the distant sky, I saw a faint glow starting to light up the horizon. I watched as if a spell had been cast on me as the sun arose, a red orb, and at that moment when it came out and kissed the horizon, I was overwhelmed by a feeling of immense joy. At that moment, nothing mattered, only pure joy. As the sun rose the spell wore off and the day dawned. That feeling of pure joy lasted only for a few moments. I did try repeating the process several times later, but the intensity of the first experience was never captured. Though I did feel joy, maybe because I knew what to expect, the exhilaration of the first was missing. I still enjoy the dawn break and the sunset, with the sky, a canvas painted in brilliant hues; it made me happy. But that initial moment of happiness happened when there was no expectation. That moment frozen to eternity would have been everlasting happiness. I realized that our life is spent in pursuit of such moments and to eternalize them. Sad, the truth is those moments pass and so does our life. 

Way back in 2011 my wife and I went to the US to be with our daughter who had just delivered a baby boy. The six months we stayed looking after our grandson was one extended period of moments of joy. Every time I gazed into the eyes of the child I was carried away by the pure innocence, and when he smiled, it was sheer joy. And when we left I carried back the images of those moments. There is joy in pure innocence and happiness in experiencing

I have had many trysts with moments of joy and the resultant expression of happiness - these have been spontaneous moments, whether it was during a walk in the rain along the beach road listening to music from my iPod, or reveling as a child dancing in the rain and jumping onto puddles,  These were never contemplated or pursued, it just happened. I have always loved to see the rainfall. At such times I would sit by the window watching the droplets dancing on the ground and listen to their patter. As a child, I remember making small paper boats and watching them move along with the stream of water. Who does not savor moments like this, especially with a hot cup of coffee or tea accompanied by hot pakoras or bhajjias. I know you will say yes. 

The other day I met a friend of mine during my evening walk along the beach. Don’t ask me whether I keep on walking along the beach road perpetually. Well, this time it was evening, and no I don’t walk perpetually, for then I would have felt like Sisyphus rolling the rock up the hill to eternity. But seriously, I find it spiritually elevating with the waves and the sea and the sun, whether it is rising or setting. I find myself in the twilight zone, between reality and fantasy. Well, when I came across my friend, my conversation with the Guru was still playing in my mind, so the first question I asked him was “are you happy?”.

For a moment he was taken back, maybe wondering how anyone could start a conversation like this, but then he looked at me quizzically and said-

“Of course, I am happy. But why did you ask.”

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have done that,” I answered.

“That’s ok. I am just curious why you should suddenly ask that question,” he said.

“You see I was just continuing a conversation I was having with myself,” I said and laughed.

“Well, let me join in,” he said and also laughed.

“Ok. Were you happy yesterday,” I asked.

“I guess so, maybe,” he replied with a frown lining his forehead.

“Will you be happy tomorrow?”

“I hope to be. At least that is what I would like,” he replied.

“So the only thing you are sure of is that you are happy now, isn’t it? I asked.

“Yeah, I am sure of that,” he said.

“What is it that makes you happy right now?” I asked again.

“Well, I received news that I have been promoted as General Manager in my company. I was just thinking about how everything has worked out well for me. That made me happy,” he said.

“Congratulations. May there be many more moments of happiness,” I said.

“So what next?” he asked.

“Nothing. I am done for the day. Since we have met after some time, let us complete our walk and have coffee at the stall there.”

We continued our conversation on other mundane topics as we walked and as dusk descended and the last rays of the setting sun disappeared, we said bye and headed home. 

We usually connect happiness with the achievement of certain goals or aspirations. That is understandable. A parent feels happy at the success of the child in all his/her endeavors. We are happy that we have done well and achieved our targets and earned our promotion, acquired assets that we have long planned to get, and so on. Well, these are moments that we build up to with the anticipation that they will make us happy. That is true and maybe that’s what we would like to term as ‘in pursuit of happiness’. But true happiness is the spontaneous outburst of joy when all other emotions come to a standstill, a magical moment.  Thich Nhat Hanh the revered Zen Buddhist monk says “True happiness isn’t found in success, money, fame, or power. True happiness should be found in the here and now”.

I recalled my conversation with the Guru who said “What we call happiness can never be defined. It just happens, you can never plan to be happy, for it cannot be pursued”.  

But perhaps one of the best quotes that I have come across and that lends credence to what I have said so far is -

"The moments of happiness we enjoy take us by surprise. It is not that we seize them, but that they seize us." —Ashley Montagu

I asked myself whether there is such a thing as perpetual or everlasting happiness, the kind that the saints and mystics spoke of, Ramana Maharishi, the Buddha, and others. The only thing I am sure of is that I am neither a mystic nor a saint, I am but a mere mortal in pursuit of happiness that will lessen the burden of living.

I reproduce a few lines from my poem ‘Moments of Happiness’ -

These are certain moments and they pass me by,

They remain etched in my memory, as I try

To understand what is my quest,

To perpetuate these moments, I try my best.

For these are goals that move away,

Before I can rest and have my say,

And hope everyone finds happiness

On his way.