A JOURNAL OF LIFE’S LESSONS- PART 4
IN PURSUIT OF TRUE HAPPINESS
“What is happiness?” I asked.
He remained silent. When I repeated the question again, he said-
“I don’t know.”
That was an odd answer coming from someone who was revered as a learned person and a Guru.
“Then why do people say they want to be happy,” I asked.
“I don’t know,” he again repeated.
“But Guruji, frankly, they must be speaking on a stage where they will be devoid of all miseries and achieve what they desire. Is that what they call happiness?” I persisted.
“I really don’t know,” he said and then looked at me intently and smiled. He knew that I was getting irritated at not getting any positive response from him.
“When have you been truly happy?” he suddenly asked.
“I don’t know,” I replied.
“See, you have answered your own question. You do not know when you were truly happy. Isn’t it because you really do not know what true happiness is?”
“I am confused,” I said.
“Well, we can at least start at this point, that we do not know what happiness is. What we call happiness can never be defined. It just happens, you can never plan to be happy, for it cannot be pursued. Again, it is subjective. It happens to different people at different times. So what is the point of looking out for definitions, or seeking other people’s views on it? The closest we can try to understand is that moment when all other thoughts come to a standstill and you are totally immersed in that sensation of joy. ‘True Happiness’ is always ‘Is’ it can never be ‘Will be’.”
“So Guruji, you said ‘sensation of joy’. Isn’t that happiness?” I asked.
“Well, I leave it to you to answer that to yourself. I talked to you about moments and the sensation of joy. How many times have you experienced these moments?”
I sat in front of him for some time, in silence. He smiled at me as I took my leave and left. I did not get an answer, but was left with a question, searching, trying to recollect those moments. They were only moments that passed away as we moved on in time and space, nothing everlasting. The conversation had left me in confusion.
I remember that during one of my early morning walks along the seashore, I took a break and made my way toward the sea. It was still dark and a few minutes before dawn. I stood, feeling the cool air and the rhythmic motion of the waves and felt them, caress my feet as they flattened out before withdrawing back into the ocean. It was a strange feeling: mystic. And as I gazed at the distant sky, I saw a faint glow starting to light up the horizon. I watched as if a spell had been cast on me as the sun arose, a red orb, and at that moment when it came out and kissed the horizon, I was overwhelmed by a feeling of immense joy. At that moment, nothing mattered, only pure joy. As the sun rose the spell wore off and the day dawned. That feeling of pure joy lasted only for a few moments. I did try repeating the process several times later, but the intensity of the first experience was never captured. Though I did feel joy, maybe because I knew what to expect, the exhilaration of the first was missing. I still enjoy the dawn break and the sunset, with the sky, a canvas painted in brilliant hues; it made me happy. But that initial moment of happiness happened when there was no expectation. That moment frozen to eternity would have been everlasting happiness. I realized that our life is spent in pursuit of such moments and to eternalize them. Sad, the truth is those moments pass and so does our life.
Way back in 2011 my wife and I went to the US to be with our daughter who had just delivered a baby boy. The six months we stayed looking after our grandson was one extended period of moments of joy. Every time I gazed into the eyes of the child I was carried away by the pure innocence, and when he smiled, it was sheer joy. And when we left I carried back the images of those moments. There is joy in pure innocence and happiness in experiencing
I have had many trysts with moments of joy and the resultant expression of happiness - these have been spontaneous moments, whether it was during a walk in the rain along the beach road listening to music from my iPod, or reveling as a child dancing in the rain and jumping onto puddles, These were never contemplated or pursued, it just happened. I have always loved to see the rainfall. At such times I would sit by the window watching the droplets dancing on the ground and listen to their patter. As a child, I remember making small paper boats and watching them move along with the stream of water. Who does not savor moments like this, especially with a hot cup of coffee or tea accompanied by hot pakoras or bhajjias. I know you will say yes.
The other day I met a friend of mine during my evening walk along the beach. Don’t ask me whether I keep on walking along the beach road perpetually. Well, this time it was evening, and no I don’t walk perpetually, for then I would have felt like Sisyphus rolling the rock up the hill to eternity. But seriously, I find it spiritually elevating with the waves and the sea and the sun, whether it is rising or setting. I find myself in the twilight zone, between reality and fantasy. Well, when I came across my friend, my conversation with the Guru was still playing in my mind, so the first question I asked him was “are you happy?”.
For a moment he was taken back, maybe wondering how anyone could start a conversation like this, but then he looked at me quizzically and said-
“Of course, I am happy. But why did you ask.”
“Sorry, I shouldn’t have done that,” I answered.
“That’s ok. I am just curious why you should suddenly ask that question,” he said.
“You see I was just continuing a conversation I was having with myself,” I said and laughed.
“Well, let me join in,” he said and also laughed.
“Ok. Were you happy yesterday,” I asked.
“I guess so, maybe,” he replied with a frown lining his forehead.
“Will you be happy tomorrow?”
“I hope to be. At least that is what I would like,” he replied.
“So the only thing you are sure of is that you are happy now, isn’t it? I asked.
“Yeah, I am sure of that,” he said.
“What is it that makes you happy right now?” I asked again.
“Well, I received news that I have been promoted as General Manager in my company. I was just thinking about how everything has worked out well for me. That made me happy,” he said.
“Congratulations. May there be many more moments of happiness,” I said.
“So what next?” he asked.
“Nothing. I am done for the day. Since we have met after some time, let us complete our walk and have coffee at the stall there.”
We continued our conversation on other mundane topics as we walked and as dusk descended and the last rays of the setting sun disappeared, we said bye and headed home.
We usually connect happiness with the achievement of certain goals or aspirations. That is understandable. A parent feels happy at the success of the child in all his/her endeavors. We are happy that we have done well and achieved our targets and earned our promotion, acquired assets that we have long planned to get, and so on. Well, these are moments that we build up to with the anticipation that they will make us happy. That is true and maybe that’s what we would like to term as ‘in pursuit of happiness’. But true happiness is the spontaneous outburst of joy when all other emotions come to a standstill, a magical moment. Thich Nhat Hanh the revered Zen Buddhist monk says “True happiness isn’t found in success, money, fame, or power. True happiness should be found in the here and now”.
I recalled my conversation with the Guru who said “What we call happiness can never be defined. It just happens, you can never plan to be happy, for it cannot be pursued”.
But perhaps one of the best quotes that I have come across and that lends credence to what I have said so far is -
"The moments of happiness we enjoy take us by surprise. It is not that we seize them, but that they seize us." —Ashley Montagu
I asked myself whether there is such a thing as perpetual or everlasting happiness, the kind that the saints and mystics spoke of, Ramana Maharishi, the Buddha, and others. The only thing I am sure of is that I am neither a mystic nor a saint, I am but a mere mortal in pursuit of happiness that will lessen the burden of living.
I reproduce a few lines from my poem ‘Moments of Happiness’ -
These are certain moments and they pass me by,
They remain etched in my memory, as I try
To understand what is my quest,
To perpetuate these moments, I try my best.
For these are goals that move away,
Before I can rest and have my say,
And hope everyone finds happiness
On his way.
